We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
