there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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