what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
