just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
