i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
