If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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