Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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