Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
