If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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