Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
