I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
