Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
