I need to stop coming to work sober
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
