Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
