if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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