I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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