Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
