i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
