also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
