Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
