So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize