We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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