so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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