WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
