my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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