Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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