man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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