Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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