You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
