I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
