I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize