this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
