sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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