oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
