6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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