She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
