It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
