Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
