alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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