Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
