i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
