Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
