So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
