ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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