Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
