Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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