Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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