did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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