is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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