i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
