I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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