you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
two words...techno handjob
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
