The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize