i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
