I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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