If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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