we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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