Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize