you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
