Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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