oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
