Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
